So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
