I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
