why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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