I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
