my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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