It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
