I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
