.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
