the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
