I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
