We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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