Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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