textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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