she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
