if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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