..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
