No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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