so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
