On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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