If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
