whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have feelings that need drinking.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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