Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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