Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
