It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
