At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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