I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
