...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
