Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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