nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
