dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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