I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize