She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Don't EVER smell your tampon
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
