i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
