he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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