i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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