i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
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Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
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I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm always down for nudity.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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