apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
