I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
