hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
