If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
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We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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