the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
false alarm, still single
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