We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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