fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
tell me about the eggs
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