Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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