I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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