hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
