you have to choose: penises or morals?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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