some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
