these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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