This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
