You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
