if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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