You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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