Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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