i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
