Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
