can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
