i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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