great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
