The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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