dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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