Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
