If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
