Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
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The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
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I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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