we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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