I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
