I wish i was in the wii world.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
