It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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