i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
