I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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