I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
