K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
