Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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