Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
