i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
