Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
