Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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