I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
