lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
