omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just had sex on a roof
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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