Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
