almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
