I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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