If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
