Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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