my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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