you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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