Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
